People invent the strangest things. I found six peculiar, modern-day U.S. patents, accompanied by their highly artistic drawings. These are inventions that we just can’t live without, as you will almost certainly agree once you’ve had a look. Which one is your favorite?
If you want to see a few unusual patents and drawings from the 19th century, check out Part 1: Curious Creations: Six Peculiar Patent Drawings.
The Great Traveling Rodent Show
Pet Display Clothing Invented by Brice Belisle
Now you can share the daily life of a rodent with the world. Take your little buddy shopping, dining, walking, or loitering on the street corner creeping out passersby as he slinks around the transparent tubing on your back and chest. Put this gem on your Christmas wish list.
Warning: Falling forward or backward while wearing device may result in rodent bodily injury. Keep your pets safe!
Behold the Three-legged Wonder Hose
Pantyhose with Spare Leg Invented by Annette L. Pappas and Nita A. Vaccaro
The patent description says it all:
“In use the wearer inserts her legs into two of the leg opening in the conventional fashion of donning a pair of pantyhose. The remaining unused leg portion is then gathered and the toe end tucked into the pocket of one of the absorbent crotch members.”
To make a long story short, you get a run in one leg; you have an extra leg to wear. I think I speak for all women (and men, so as not to be sexist) when I say extra stuffing in the crotch area is always comfortable and attractive.
Warning: Third leg might tumble into toilet when using the bathroom. May also cause extreme embarrassment if accidentally left hanging outside the waistband of pants or skirts.
The Mysterious Disappearing Bald Spot
Method of Concealing Partial Baldness Invented by Donald and Frank Smith
Simply grow your hair extra long (already I see a problem), divide into sections, and comb over balding areas. It’s a miracle cure! And the illustration is spectacularly detailed. That man does not look like a serial killer.
I’m questioning the need for a comb-over instruction patent. Hasn’t this method been used by men throughout history?
Warning: Comb-over method may not be convincing to perceptive or non-perceptive onlookers.
The Amazing Anti-Stinkerator
Flatulence Deodorizer Invented by Brian and Myra Conant
The illustration says it all. Evil Z-Man expels a hazardous stench with the potential of grounding all flights into the airport. The “Stepford Wives” are appalled and embarrassed, as well as unable to distinguish between the cloned suitcases and husbands. Even their strange helmet heads can’t fend off the gaseous stink. Never fear! Flatulence deodorizer to the rescue! It’s a crotch filter. It’s an underwear pad. It’s a blessing!
Warning: May not be effective during prolonged intestinal distress from extensive bean consumption. Should never be worn on the outside of clothing.
The Incredible Calorie Reducing Mask
Anti-eating Facemask Invented by Lucy Barmby
Just in time for the gluttonous holiday season, it’s a much-needed “Hannibal Lector” type facemask to prevent eating. It’s quite stylish and not the least bit disturbing. The children will delight in its torturous fun. It makes a great gift too.
Warning: May cause hunger, irritability, and the desire to play out scenes from Silence of the Lambs. Should not be used in conjunction with Comb-over Method described above, as it may frighten the children.
The Fantastic Spinning Ice Cream Cone
Motorized Ice Cream Cone Invented by Richard B. Hartman
It can be so tedious repeatedly licking an ice cream cone. If only someone would come up with an easier way to do it. Perhaps something with “a drive mechanism in the hand-held housing for imparting rotation upon the cup and rotationally feeding its contents against a person’s outstretched tongue.”
Perfect! This brings us to a whole new level of laziness.
Warning: May trigger tongue cramping and brain freeze. If used in excess, implementation of the Anti-eating Facemask may be necessary.