Your First Time

Friday Fictioneers 08-22

Photo Copyright-Roger Bulto

I saw you yesterday as you crossed the parking lot, a discreet glance my way. Arrogance compelled you. You still have that charming smile, a smile that possessed me.

The woman by your side had my features, exactly your type. Did she notice your faraway eyes on me?

Before the urban sprawl, we came here together. Tree-lined fields of tall grass and wildflowers provided the perfect cover. You left me, buried in fertile earth, strangled with lovely vines.

You remember my vines, the ones that drive you to return to me with each flower you possess. You never forget your first.


This 100-word story was written for Friday Fictioneers. I haven’t participated in this prompt in quite a while. I’m back for at least this week. If you would like to read the other stories, click the badge.

***It was brought to my attention (by my husband) that my story may be too vague. I asked for his interpretation, and he had nothing. Eventually, I wrenched it from him. He was way off. Perhaps it is too vague. As the writer, I think it’s easy to see the entire story in your words, and we assume it’s obvious to the reader. Of course that is not always the case. Now I’m interested to know how others interpret the story. Please let me know. Should I revise? I feel a bit off my game.

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55 thoughts on “Your First Time

  1. Your story spoke to me of a love where the world was awash in flowers, until one partner sought out fresher blooms elsewhere. And yet…first love’s haunting scent continues to beckon…

    • Wow! I love your interpretation! It makes me wish this was my message with the story, but I had something else in mind. I won’t reveal the truth yet. I want to see more reader’s thoughts first. I find this so fascinating and enlightening. Thank you so much for the comment.

    • Good guess and like Randy you got it! Although I didn’t intend for her to be a rape victim. I suppose it may be implied that she is given the setting and my words. I was going for serial killer who woos his victims into falling for him, then kills them. But I have to say that scenario can be consider another form of rape. I do hate the “r” word. Thanks for reading and commenting!

  2. Knowing your style My Friend, I too believe the story is told from the grave. Romance? Not your style 🙂
    By the way, I loved it!

  3. Lacking the subtlety and clarity of most of the other authors, I came away somewhat befuddled – but then I came in that way. It is what it is; don’t change it! But, I’m waiting for the big denouement. 🙂 Nicely done.

    • I don’t think I’ll change the story, as it seems to have double meaning. The fact that it could be romance or murder makes me happy. My stories are quite strange sometimes, often mystifying. I don’t know if that is good or bad in terms of writing, but I like to make the reader think. I appreciate your comment and that you took the time to read my story. Thank you.

  4. At first I saw it as an ex-boyfriend who’s having trouble moving on, but after reading the comments I see the significance of “buried in fertile earth” (I read it metaphorically rather than literally). Great either way!

  5. I just read it. My criteria is usually, if it sounds good and seems to work well, I don’t look for the meanings. I read because it seemed cool. Cool this story is. Great, Lisa!

  6. I got the serial killer vibe from this too (fascinating how some have a ‘type’ when victims share similar features.) Although I can’t say if the killer has a conscience, I bet the first won’t be forgotten.

  7. Dear Lisa,

    I thought it was his murder victim, once his lover, speaking from the grave. He seems to prey on a certain type of woman. At any rate that’s my interpretation.

    Don’t feel too bad about your husband’s reaction. Mine didn’t connect with my story this week. Said it “didn’t wow him.” But then he doesn’t care for poetry and I’m sure didn’t see how closely Joe resembled him. On the other hand, maybe he did and that’s why he didn’t like it. 😉

    I liked your story-the way you wrote it and the way you left it open for interpretation.

    shalom,

    Rochelle

    • Hi, Rochelle,

      Your interpretation is the one I had intended to convey to the reader. I like the idea that some see it as a love story too. In a way, it is kind of a love story, perverted love.

      My husband is my worst critic. He expects a lot of me, which is a good thing. The look on his face was priceless when I asked him what he thought the story was about; like a deer in headlights. After he came up with something, I felt a little defeated. I’m good with it now. I think he missed a few key words when he was reading. The responses from everyone have been helpful for me.

      Thanks so much for the reassurance. I truly appreciate it.
      Lisa

  8. I read this as others have – the murderer returning to the scene of his crime. The arrogance, the buried under fertile ground. I like the way you described the passing of time (Before the urban sprawl..) and wonder how many more victims there are elsewhere.

  9. I love the metaphors here, Lisa. I was off in my interpretation, having read Rochelle’s synopsis, but I really enjoyed it anyway. I saw it as a jilted lover who is laid to waste– strangled by weeds/ the past and his dismissal of her– It’s amazing how perceptive Rochelle is! Now that I’ve read some of the other comments, I see that I read the wrong metaphors, but I enjoyed it nonetheless!

  10. In my reading the narrator is plainly an automobile – some men certainly do have decidedly dubious semi-erotic relationships with their motor vehicles, to the extent perhaps that the women in their lives even come to resemble their cars. This is certainly how the abandoned, derelict vehicle here views the situation, forlornly noting “The woman by your side had my features.” I’m guessing the woman in question may not be attractive in the traditional sense, but she obviously pushes the right buttons for the guy, who I believe has issues.
    But I could be wrong…

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